What is pain?
Pain is every time I wonder what could be.
What is pain?
Pain is every time I wonder what could be.
Contradiction was her second name. She was gifted. She was cursed. Day after day, she went through a myriad of emotions so contradictory that she could not believe herself. He made her head-over-heels happy, but he also made her hopping-mad furious. What was she to make of this tumultuous relationship? What was she to make of all his promises? She wished for numbness, as the pain was too much to deal with every time he said, “I love you, but…” Was it time to let him go? Did he deserve another chance? Another chance to admit how crazy he was about her, minus all the “buts”. Aah… If only the answer was that simple, if only love was that simple, if only life was that simple!
Like every girl in love she wondered why people said love is overrated. What she was going through was anything but overrated… What she felt was overwhelming, all-consuming! Despite all the uncertainties of their relationship (if you can call it a relationship that is), she loved what they had together. The keyword is “together”. She could write a story about every conversation they had. Every word that came out of his mouth, everything he did – from the way he smiled to the way he looked when he was upset, every touch… Everything was indestructibly etched in her mind. While she was sitting with her books in a romantic dreamy state, she could not help but recall what he had said the other day. She blushed, thought of how she felt in his arms, and then repeated that sentence in her head, “I want to go to sleep in your arms.” She felt like an idiot for not telling him that she too wanted that. If only her shy self could stay in check around him. Yes, they were in each other’s arms… Hoping against hope for a forever like that. The world gave them a zillion signals to warn them of impending separation, but lovers I tell you… And lovers they were!
On any other day, she would have reveled in a caffeine-loaded chatter session with her girlfriends at their regular hangout. But today was not that day. It took a little while before she noticed her friend furiously snapping her fingers in her face. She realised she had zoned out of an intense discussion. “What’s up with you today? Where are you? And what’s with the smile and blush?” her friend asked, irritated. She smiled again, wrapped her friend in a hug and said with irrational exuberance, “I think I have lost it. I will see you guys later.” On her way back home, her blush deepened. It was him. It was him again. She was thinking about what he had said on the phone last night. She was replaying that exact moment in her head over and over again where he said, “You are my darling, my life.” She wondered how her friend could ever understand this teenage-like madness if she were to explain the stupid smile. Yes, it was madness. But she was getting more and more addicted to her madly-in-love self. She was getting more and more addicted to him.
I am sure none of us are sure about what love is :) But loved these lines from the article… So beautiful!
~ Love is something for which we will give up eternal life. The main character in the movie City of Angels, who gives up his wings in return for bodily sensation, and then loses his one and only beloved in a truck accident, says: “I would rather have tasted her lips just once, touched her skin, one time, and made love to her for one night, than spend the rest of my life without ever knowing that.” ~
Almost ten years ago, this dynamic, fun, unapologetic, explosive, brilliantly sharp and utterly fearless diva came into my life. I am so glad she did. She is someone who made me realise it is okay to say, “Screw you, world. This is what I am. And this is what I will be!” If anything has made me love her so much, it’s her attitude about staying true to yourself and knowing the right people will love you because of it. I love and respect her for being who she is.
Miss Mukherjee, I still remember all our late night chats; yes yes, with all the details :P Of course, I won’t/can’t share what we discussed but those conversations were fun for sure. Fun in true sense, fun to the core.
This conversation unveils the Urmi I know, it reveals the other side of her. The side not many people know I believe. The sensitive and emotional side of her. Beneath that tough exterior she puts on, lies a soft and mushy centre.
In this exclusive interview, Urmi Mukherjee (http://www.facebook.com/urmuk) talks candidly and a little fiercely about her crazy experiences, her bucket list, her first crush and a lot more. Read on…
I can never go brief (in description and otherwise LOL). I also have two sides to me, which one would you like me to introduce? The sober side of me is writing this. Drop by after dusk to see the other me :D I live life in extremes which of course creates serious imbalance and chaos but I don’t care and I love the drama! I thrive on family, friends and protection of nature and vulnerable elements. I am sleazily emotional in matters of the heart, but I remain unapologetic. It makes me what/who I am (good, bad or ugly). I reserve logic and willpower for worldly experiences and achievements. My motto is life dictates me to be true to my soul (irrespective of having to follow wrong over right; unethical over moral, sin over good and other such man made criterions of assessment), and I am notorious for being unpredictable, intense, stubborn, and a slave to my passions. I enjoy giving myself completely to everything I do – and that includes doing something as small as cleaning my bathroom or kitchen.
If not sulking, brooding or working, I can be found cooking, cleaning, doing laundry and dishes, catching up with friends and volunteering at a local rehab centre.
Heart stops beating, Paul Van Dyk.
A blue film (joke). The Fighter.
Considering I love movement and change, my ultimate dream travel experience would see me explore every nook and corner of India through a couple months long expedition, living out of a backpack (which I have done on several occasions) and follow the local life (including customs, food, clothing, lodging, etc.) of that place for a couple days before I move on to the next destination.
I am a voracious reader and harbour interest in a wide array of topics including philosophy and biographies. I am currently reading The Litigators by John Grisham. The book is special because it was gifted to me by a stranger I bumped in to at London. He turned out to be a world renowned 28 year old Mathematician from Oxford, and I baffled him demanding we never stay in touch after that day. Haa haa (Blame it on my attraction towards the extraordinary!). He never found out my name, all I disclosed was my field of work (although he told me a great deal about himself not knowing what was coming). True to my wishes, we never spoke after that meet. He signed the book, “To a lovely crazy lady!”
I was 8, a nuisance and trouble maker in class, while he was the ideal role model student. I never did anything about it, but turns out, years later, he confessed I was his first crush too! Nothing ever happened, and we are great friends today.
Until a year ago, I ate everything and I mean everything. Today I appreciate healthier food choices, and I prefer fixing my own meals (let me boast a bit and mention the accolades my culinary skills have garnered over the years :P). I cannot resist Chinese cuisine. I detest sugary food.
Absolutely. I intend to own a sports car, live in a real house (not an apartment) with a vegetable patch and a little farm type set up with animals, adopt a daughter (I don’t care about marriage but soul mate I do care about), write columns, give out baking lessons, own a wellness centre, and partner up in a law firm.