What do you do when the person you hero-worshipped fails you miserably?
She was determined to rationally understand what went wrong. Assumption, she thought, was the convict in their relationship. When he said that is “our song”, she assumed our meant “him and her”. When she said she wanted pure
unadulterated love and he said that is what he wanted too, she assumed the definition of “pure unadulterated love” was the same for both of them. When he said “forever”, she assumed he meant forever. It was definitely not him, not
him… yes. Assumption indeed was the culprit, the only guilty party.
Heartbreaks make you stronger, said the writer in this very sensible piece. How true, she thought… and how incomplete. Her first heartbreak had beyond any doubt made her stronger. It had made her…
The other day my bestie seemed to be in a furious mood when she called me. “I find the stuff you write too intense. Can’t you think beyond the vicious circle of love and pain? I am someone who needs humour in the stories I read… Tina Fey’s Bossypants did that for me, you know. The characters of your stories are always in an emotional mess, why? I am left to wonder what happened to them with every story. It is maddening,” she complained. After patiently listening to her, I ended the call and decided to introspect. During that process, I bumped into this article that I forwarded her later. Read it for yourself, but allow me to highlight a few lines from that piece here.
~ The very last page of his (William S. Burroughs) journal, penned three days before his death, read:
Only thing can resolve conflict is love… Pure love.
Love? What is It?
Most natural painkiller what there is.
A few minutes later I got this text from her, “Love it is. I always discredit it. It is called self-preservation.”
Love it is, I rest my case.
Being a lover of words, she tried hard to bleed out her pain on the paper; but all in vain. All the writing and words in the world could not help her even come close to the pain she was enduring. It was madness. A permanent devastation of a part of her. A part that made her more “her” than anything else in the world. She wondered if her eyes betrayed her every time she tried to hide behind the perfect fake smile. She did not know, but they did unintentionally reveal the agony that gripped her… not to the world but, only to the man who was the reason behind her misery. The absurdity of the situation was the fact that he too was suffering in the exact same way, but they were not allowed to rescue each other. All they could do was live through the pain and hope that it would fade in the future, if not disappear altogether.
What could she do with the raging war between her mind and her heart? Aaaah! Every time her unassertive mind tried to assure her that she didn’t love him anymore, her stupid presumptuous heart jumped out at her saying, “Major denial issues.”
If you are sane, logical and rational in love, then… umm, let me make it easy for you… You are NOT in love. Love demands ‘insanity’!
Absolute love comes only with absolute freedom. Everything else is just a trade-off in the name of love.
It was time again for their late-night tête-à-tête with soft music, some wine and dim lights. What started out as a regular gossip session between two besties meeting after a long time, quickly turned into a serious conversation. She desperately needed to know her best friend’s opinion on the thought that was haunting her for quite some time now, so she finally asked, “Did I disrupt his mundane life? He seemed fine with the ordinary before I barged in. Do you think I have left him muddled up for the rest of his life?” After musing over it for what seemed like ages her friend answered with certainty, “Yes, you did; but in a good way. When you barged in, he got the emotional experience of his life… He never knew he was capable of such intensity, such passion. Now he knows the difference between living and just being alive. You, my friend, are that difference. And even if it is not forever, he is lucky to have experienced the intensity of your love.”