Lost in him

On any other day, she would have reveled in a caffeine-loaded chatter session with her girlfriends at their regular hangout. But today was not that day. It took a little while before she noticed her friend furiously snapping her fingers in her face. She realised she had zoned out of an intense discussion. “What’s up with you today? Where are you? And what’s with the smile and blush?” her friend asked, irritated. She smiled again, wrapped her friend in a hug and said with irrational exuberance, “I think I have lost it. I will see you guys later.” On her way back home, her blush deepened. It was him. It was him again. She was thinking about what he had said on the phone last night. She was replaying that exact moment in her head over and over again where he said, “You are my darling, my life.” She wondered how her friend could ever understand this teenage-like madness if she were to explain the stupid smile. Yes, it was madness. But she was getting more and more addicted to her madly-in-love self. She was getting more and more addicted to him.

Anesthetizing emotions?

There she was… temporarily impaired… again! What was happening to her, she thought. She did not recognize herself anymore. Ms. Idealist could not believe she has put herself in a situation where she had to resort to alcohol to
numb her emotions. Did her drunk, intoxicated, inebriated self help her deal with the heart-wrenching pain? Unfortunately, the forget-everything-and-relax-potion had an opposite effect on her and made things worse… Instead of anesthetizing her emotions, it heightened them. Love, pain, confusion… everything multiplied… She was experiencing alternating emotions… from elation to sadness! If she could do it over again, would she make the same choices? Would she protect herself from his love? May be not. May be not, and that made it more painful!